I'm so fucking centered right now
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My ATM looks so different sober.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
