You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
