Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
