How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
