Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
