im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
