I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
