You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
