I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
