What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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