I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
