I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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