we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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