I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
