Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
