Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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