First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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