we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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