1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
