**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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