Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
