I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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