I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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