idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
