No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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