I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
