Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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