new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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