If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
