Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
