sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
