You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
