Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
