So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
how does that bad decision feel?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
