can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
