my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
