"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
