He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
