I need help removing her.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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