I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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