Whod you bang
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
