yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
