My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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