I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i dont even know how to be here
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
