The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
