Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
