Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
