no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
