weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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