would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
