AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
