Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
