Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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