Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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