Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
