How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Vodka?
Forever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
