Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
