You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
