All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
