just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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